The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money! "Many years ago we realized that ringing church bells provided the perfect rhythm: in on the ding and out on the d**." She paused, wiped away a tear, and continued, "But then the ice-cream truck came along. His wife calls 911 and they send the ambulance over. i guess you could say it was a cardiac arrest. However, it would be appropriate to break their bones, they have approximately 206. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! "Sorry sir for spelling mistake, it's not a wife but wifi". When you're playing charades nobody gonna help you. Pete answers, "No. 3. 1 Woman: Hi, Wandal ", 3. Comedy and poker seem to make a good 'pair' nowadays (pardon the pun! Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them. Horrified, the granddaughter told her that two people that old having s** would surely be asking for trouble. ", A woman asked her grandmother how her grandfather had died. Chuck Norris's belly button is actually a power outlet. No says one of the nurses. He asks if his son was there; he was. He was nearly there - but then he was nearly gone. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. However, it would be appropriate to break their bones, they have approximately 206. 34. His lover is a girl named Clearly. After they reach cruising altitude, the pilot suddenly has a heart attack. It is well-known that the heart pumps blood to various parts of our body, and hence, it is a vital organ that helps in survival. What did the pirate say when he had a heart attack? 1st Message: Lets Breakup Now, Its All Over I'll bypass my heart problems. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. He's all right now. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals. Why did the pig have a heart attack? She walks into her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. A man on vacation in Queensland suffers a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. Is anyone here a doctor? Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. 80 Short Jokes and One Liners! We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital. Almost zero. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Heart Jokes. What did a plumber say to his love interest on Valentine's Day? The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home. May Day! Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. "What have you done! These jokes about mints are great mint jokes for kids and adults. What did the cardiac surgeon say when he knew that the transplanted organ reached his home instead of the hospital? And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us onFacebook. Here are 95 funny heart jokes and the best heart puns to crack you up. "Proof that we don't understand death is that we give dead people a pillow.". Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. Hilarious Heart Attack Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. Winning the hearts and minds of the people an old CCP euphemism for organ harvesting. Much more is their humor! Looking forward to seeing you then! We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward. an affair of the heart is a bypass." Joan Rivers. People who eat bacon have a higher risk of a heart attack. What do you call an attack on an organ donation bank? It had too much bacon. Inspirational "Oh, when I was a kid in show business, I was poor. Heart jokes can be of various types. Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. Timmy then replies, it's a period! They went for a cardiac arrest. Michael Flatline. Just like a plane, the heart crashes every once in a while. While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack. A heart attack. Pete leaves the house about 10 and gets home about four in the afternoon. One of the flight attendants notices this and quickly shouts: People of the plane, we're having an emergency! What are two bakers in love called? 23. Is anyone on this plane a doctor? Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. We'll just wait." About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The scoutmaster says, 'There aren't enough parachutes we must give them to the kids!' Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold. He had a heart attack and fell right out of the guard tower. If you liked our suggestions for heart jokes, then why not take a look at Valentine's Day Puns, or Roses Are Red Jokes? 43. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano. It's a heart attack on a plate. Heart Jokes That You Should Never Miss A Beat, Dog Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Till You Drop, Knock Knock Jokes Perfect for Every Occasion, Top 30+ Avocado Jokes for Foodies That are Avo-Lutely Hilarious, Get Your Hoot On: 30+ Owl Jokes That Are a Hootin Good Time, Octopus Jokes and Puns That Will Stick With You Forever, Mountain Jokes That Are Really Hill-arious, Elevator Jokes to Make You Laugh on Many Levels. We live in an expanding universe. Funny Quotes and Sayings Love sharing with your friends and family? I used to have a science teacher It had palpitations. You have 30 more years to live." With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. mainly because their hearts are already broken. Hearts have become known as a universal symbol of love, and hence, the heart is often linked to the celebration of love or Valentine's Day. Choose a simple jokeat least to start. Everything will be fine! Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. He was very organ-ized. He was nearly there - but then he was nearly gone. 'Why do you feel that?' he asked. A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan. Yeah, we know we shouldn't joke about loneliness or being lovelorn. - Mitch Hedberg I sprayed spot remover on my dog and he disappeared. I can heartly believe you are so sick. It's totally clips of the heart. Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. At first, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. It's ironic. Then if the doctors can save him, he'll be fine. My love for you cannot be measured, it is off the ch-hearts. "Oh, no," said Granny. Having a heart attack is pretty bad Please help me!" Chuck Norris doesn't read books. What happened to the bear with heart problems? 33 Teenage jokes one-liner for the hearts of millennials! She rushes upstairs only to find her husband n** lying on the bed, Here are 30 funny scarecrow jokes and the best scarecrow puns to crack you up. Looking panicked, a flight attendant asks if there are any doctors on the aircraft. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it. The Funniest Quotes About Love. Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Hearts have become known as a symbol of love, and hence, the heart is often associated with celebrating love. The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. Ive known the Pope for years. So off they fly to Rome. Grandpa: "Don't scare me, I'm a heart patient." "If you scare me, I'll never talk to you again." I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent. So the other brother is worried and calls 911. . Help me! Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. Whether it is a heart surgery joke or rib-tickling cardiologist jokes, the medical professionals and even the patients can have a good time with such harmless jokes in serious moments. I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart. says Jane. The woman tried to get the man off of her, but he's too heavy. Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about hearts that are also awesome heart jokes for adults and kids to be told! Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire, Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, Bang!. You can explore heart attack lungs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. So, if you're wondering how to make your sulky teenager laugh, then don't worry! Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart". Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!" He shrieks. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. Sure, knock-knock jokes are classic, but if your little one or friends are impatient types, one-liners may be more their speed. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. Why was the student cardiologist crying when after he went through a dissection class? When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around 36. I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt. 8. My son got tattoos of a heart, a spade, a diamond, and a club against my wishes. ", There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Everybody laughed. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. A woman has a heart attack in a plane. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. Pope Francis, his boss replies. He was dead on a rival. 10. He had a heart attack ack ack ack ack ack. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. During a game of charades. 3. You get my heart pumping. After reading through all these hilarious jokes about heart, we hope you had a good laugh. So little Timmy is at school and for show and tell, he drew a dot on the board. In the Beginning there was nothing then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job. What does a pirate with heart failures need? What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack? Celebration Now, just take a deep breath. Laughing Fit: Top 5 Jokes On The Heart [Cardiology Jokes] Trina Remedios Updated on Sep 13, 2013, 08:00 IST Since we at HealthMeUp.com are focusing on Heart Health this month, we draw your attention to one of the best treatments for a healthy heart - Laughter. Vehicle 2. She asks, "What's going on?" And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. What was the Irish dancer called after he died? Here are 55 funny steak jokes and the best steak puns to crack you up. One man answered, "I'm a doctor, what's going on?" I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell. I aorta tell my wife how much I love her. Doctor: 'What about a cardboard box?'. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house! Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruises door, and Tom Cruise shouts, Chuck Norris has 72 and they're all lethal. However, along with that, the heart is known for emotions like happiness and joy and heartbreaks - so, why not use the heart itself to make some jokes and create those positive emotions. "How did that happen?" AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Husband : Please Call An Ambulance I Think Am Having A Heart Attack. News: Man dies of heart attack while donating to a sperm bank "People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'." . The woman says, "He's having a heart attack, can you help?" A bit weird I know but it just shows his heart is in the right place. Just like the name implies, a one liner joke is a funny joke in which the punchline is a witty or funny one-liner. Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. Spotted in a lonely hearts ad: Scrabble player looking for love. The teacher then asks "What is so special about a period?" Everybody laughed. It is said how much you love someone comes directly from the heart. Teacher, what's so special about it that you brought it in for show and tell? There are no heart banks but they have a Liverpool. My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. 9. Quick! The action star practically has a second career inspiring memes and jokes, thanks to his tough guy reputation. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. "I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades." It's all fun and games until you realize the rimer ran out and they're still "acting." 2. Husband : Ooh I Think Am Fine Now. '", 9. 4. But then again, humor is essential for human beings. Well except for this one guy. How did you die? Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology. Why did Robert fail the medical exam when his right shoulder was X-rayed? You oughtta know by now. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow." 5. To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." ''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself. 'You rotten b**', she screams. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. My wifes dad died of a heart attacktaking many secrets with him Ten minutes later, the doctor calls the wife and they ask her to come to the hospital. He was alone in our bedroom. Practice delivering your joke in front of a mirror or record yourself to help get your timing and deliver . Why was Grey's heart pumping so fast when he met his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? Medical One Liners. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? One-Liner Jokes - One-liners are a rare find in the world of jokes since they're easy to remember. A Man Has a Heart Attack on a Plane He didn't put his heart into it. 40. 1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive. ", While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase. "Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought". Asia Turned out it was offal. 60. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. Chuck Norris bites frost. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that . she asks. Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube. "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. 2. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. That's terrible!" And for the single or heartbroken, there are broken heart jokes too! A heart attack! How did you die? Youre my sweetheart, and Im so pumped about that. Here are some great heart jokes one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about heart. Laugh more here: Hilarious Nature Jokes Why was Freddy called the heartthrob? After the heart attack all I could do was hit the ball and drag Bud, hit the ball and drag Bud", After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again! The worst time to have a heart attack is during a . How'd you die? . He wanted to show that his heart is in the right place. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Family Friendly Why did the heart bang the door so many times for permission? What do you call a lover who left his date in the midway of Valentine's Day? These jokes about pasta are great jokes for kids and adults. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. I thought it was brand new.". "You're a Doctor. He's just collapsed and he's not breathing. Looking panicked, a flight attendant asks if there are any doctors on the aircraft. He knows that she is always watching so he never gets a chance to be with Clearly. Honey! Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. Me: Hi, can you tell me what my blood report says? After they leave Cruises house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. Music Healthy Environment Make your friends laugh their hearts out loud with some heart jokes and make their hearts even healthier. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. So, why not create some jokes that will calm their mind and also make them forget their sorrow or worry for a while? He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. mainly because their hearts are already broken. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. How did you die?" ", 5. The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to the hospital. You can imagine the tears of joy I had when I received a follow-up message, Sorry ,wrong number. A: Only if you aim it well enough. These jokes about croissants are great croissant jokes for kids and adults. Chuck Norris breathes air five times a day. Why didnt the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage? when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance. Why would the Backstreet Boys turn out to be terrible cardiologists? Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. asks the disoriented priest. But even worse if youre playing charades. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. Help me! "No" says one of the nurses. Why should you remember to take the candles off your cake before you eat it? 53. 61. i went to jail for having a heart attack. I've just arrived and have been checked in. Eat your heart out. 'What's up?' 54. I don't understand what the point of acupuncture is! When we put our two hearts together, we cant be beat. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. The woman asks the gathering crowd, "Any doctor here?" If you ever want to, you can also share these one-liners and puns with one or two of your friends and see how it goes! Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is The afterlife is too full. Looking panicked, a flight attendant asks if there are any doctors on the aircraft. Well except for this one guy. Am I in heaven? What is? Arrrghh ma hearty! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way. Quotes From Famous People 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. 37. Heart. The other kinds of jokes regarding the heart are the ones with medical terms - that is, cardio jokes or anatomical jokes. 2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! Memorize the joke. 1 Woman: So what happened? 56. Although impressed, Daves boss is still skeptical. "Will I die?" she asks. "You're telling me! Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. 57. He came and went at the same time. With your family history, theres nothing you couldve done differently, Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! he roundhouse kicks you in the face. The man says, "I'm a doctor in philosophy." When he wakes up, he is being raced through the corridors on a gurney. (Rate This Pun) . 90. i guess you could say it was a cardiac arrest. Enjoy these hilarious and funny heart attack jokes. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the Hunter: Okay hold on \*BANG\* Okay now what? If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. See more funny jokes below that are sure to make you laugh. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! I think that's it, I'm done. I froze to death. Heart disease is the leading killer in America we need a salt weapon ban. I've already heard about that from your boyfriend, and I almost had a heart attack, because, at first I thought he said Protestant. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh. Speak to me in the language of love, said the girl. These jokes about scarecrows are great jokes for kids and adults. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies. He wanted to show that his heart is in the right place. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. 47. ), with comedians such as Kevin Hart and Jerry Seinfeld often seen at poker tables making their poker buddies laugh. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart.". "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. She replies, "I froze to death." Why did the shy doctor call his wife a thoracic cavity? "We're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward.". *a loud gunshot can be heard over the phone* And then all your friends feel bad, because they kept yelling "Stroke!". In the end, you wish you had a club and a spade. One day, Lorraine had a heart attack and died. Its now called Red Bull. 3. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean heart attack cardiac dad jokes. sweating and panting. ", "Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack." Because he did not put his heart into it. To be a good musician, you have to have a good heart: that way, you always have the beat. An 80 year old Oil billionaire and a 25-year-old blonde runway model are getting married today. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling. What did the mushroom say to its girlfriend on Valentine's Day? Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise? "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. The "Heart of Living". He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices. ", When is the worst time to have a heart attack? "Ok, now what do I do"? Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive.". One man answered, "I'm a doctor, what's going on?" Funny heart jokes for those you love, for Valentine's Day or anytime. I heard that you buried a man here once and he rose from the dead 3 days later and I just cant take any chances.. I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first. When asked bout this glitch, Chuck Norris replied, That's no glitch.. When do you know you are ready for the game? I mean your heart works non-stop all of your life, would it kill you if the poor guy took a break for 5 minutes ? You know, the hearts the hungriest organ. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board. The barman says Sorry, we dont serve food here. You make my heart gush, and thus I lava you. In fact, much more than you do. Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. All one-liners in our collection are one sentence jokes. I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent. The lawyer replies, 'Fuck the kids!' He did not have the heart to do it. Because he played his heart out in it. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! A little heart joke or a romantic joke for your valentine can make it really special. The teenage language is a new language that not people can speak. 51. While filling out the documents, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of dye all over his paperwork. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. 6. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. 33. Is anyone on this plane a doctor?. But now I'm just careful what I wish for. Make your loved ones day extra special with a heart joke. 'Yes, get off the aircraft please.'. THE HEART ATTACK Patient: 'Doctor, I've swallowed a spoon.' "I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it.". Timmy, I don't know, but this morning, my sister said she missed hers. During the detailing, she explains his last few wishes. Stewardess: Is **anybody** here a doctor?! Husband : Ooh I Think Am Fine Now And then all your friends feel bad, because they kept yelling "Stroke!". One of the two brothers has a heart attack and passes out. As he finds out everyone's there, he has a heart attack. Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster. Can't get a heart attack if you sold your heart to buy an iPhone X. Billy Joel was hospitalized last week. It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. What is Cupid's favorite rockband? Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s** would surely be asking for trouble. What about you? What is the heart's favorite shade of red? The woman is hysterical. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. She passed. Many of the heart attack heart surgery puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. I even know the whole alphabet". I suppose he just had to be a little patient. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. Because they will say that whatever you have is nothing but a heart-ache. Man: Done, what should I do next? Every time you visit the doctor, make sure to read one of these hilarious doctor jokes to them: Forget-Me-Not Doctor: "You have high blood pressure and amnesia." Patient: "Well, at least I don't have high blood pressure!" The Surgery Prodigy Patient: "Hey Doc, is there any chance I'll be able to play the violin after the operation?" I never could before!'. A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. An anti-vaccine rally, since nobody there is a doctor. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, 38 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. This phone conversation with the Haematology lab almost gave me a heart attack. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure.
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